Picture this if you will, I live in the middle of nowhere on a rural farm, a few fields from the nearest road and only fields and forests around.
This morning the sun is shining and the wind is blowing nicely, I have washing on ready to slap on the line, making the most of the, out of character, October sun. The wind turbines are whooshing around at great speed today too and all is well. The animals are sunning themselves in the warmth of the sun and the dogs are lazing around as usual. The geese, ducks and chickens are all busying themselves in the mass of grass and growth around the farm.
My daughter and I are eating porridge and planning the day when she says to me 'whats that hanging on the well pump Mum?' Looking out the window I see something black floating around in the wind. Having no idea what it could be and thinking it must be a back plastic bag that had been blown in that direction and got caught on the pump I go outside to investigate further. Getting closer I could see it was an item of clothing. When I got to the well pump I said to my daughter, 'it's only a pair of knickers!'
Taking them off the pump and holding them up, my daughter said 'well they aren't mine'. As they weren't mine either and definitely not my father's or my son's we looked at each other, laughed and said in unison 'where the hell did they come from then!!!
How could a pair of sun bleached black size 14 F&H knickers find themselves onto our farm and lodge themselves on the well pump? Having no neighbours nearby and being so far away from anyone how could they get here? I seriously doubt that someone would drive up to our farm and throw their knickers in the direction of the pump.
If anyone has visited me lately and found they left without their knickers please contact me as they may well be yours!!
Strange but true
Unexplained happenings on the Funny Farm
Friday 31 October 2014
Wednesday 29 October 2014
The Tale of the Shower Head Part 2
After all the effort I went through to get a fully functional, comfortable shower, today my daughter turned on the shower and before she could do the swooping motion to check the temperature of the cascading water, the shower head disintegrated and water burst out in every angle drowning the bathroom and my daughter.
The first I heard of it was the squeals of horror as boiling hot water shot around the bathroom at great speed. I ran into the bathroom to see what was happening with dog in toe only to be met with water happily jetting itself on every wall.
The dog made a hasty retreat in case it was his turn for a shower as I tried to wade through the water to turn the taps off.
When examining the shower head I found the part where the water comes out had come unattached from the head itself. So there I was dripping wet trying to fix it. I suddenly had an idea the old shower had a good head as it was only the attachment that had cracked and broken.
So there we were, daughter in a little towel and me dripping wet, tiptoeing into the garage, trying to avoid dead mice and mud, looking for the old shower head, at this point a touch of deja vu crept in.
Finding the old shower head we triumphantly tiptoed back into the bathroom. Then came the job of trying to unscrew the broken shower head, which was stuck solid due to being outside for a few weeks lying in mud under the gorse bushes. Then I had the job of trying to unscrew the old shower head which was stuck fast due to limescale and old age! After 5 minutes we both shouted 'hoorah' as we had successfully attached the old shower head on. Then came the moment of truth as we turned on the taps and hay presto water cascaded out!
I did wonder again how many other people have had to go through this twice in one week just to have a shower!
Another day, another disaster conquered
Fun on the damp Funny Farm!!
The first I heard of it was the squeals of horror as boiling hot water shot around the bathroom at great speed. I ran into the bathroom to see what was happening with dog in toe only to be met with water happily jetting itself on every wall.
The dog made a hasty retreat in case it was his turn for a shower as I tried to wade through the water to turn the taps off.
When examining the shower head I found the part where the water comes out had come unattached from the head itself. So there I was dripping wet trying to fix it. I suddenly had an idea the old shower had a good head as it was only the attachment that had cracked and broken.
So there we were, daughter in a little towel and me dripping wet, tiptoeing into the garage, trying to avoid dead mice and mud, looking for the old shower head, at this point a touch of deja vu crept in.
Finding the old shower head we triumphantly tiptoed back into the bathroom. Then came the job of trying to unscrew the broken shower head, which was stuck solid due to being outside for a few weeks lying in mud under the gorse bushes. Then I had the job of trying to unscrew the old shower head which was stuck fast due to limescale and old age! After 5 minutes we both shouted 'hoorah' as we had successfully attached the old shower head on. Then came the moment of truth as we turned on the taps and hay presto water cascaded out!
I did wonder again how many other people have had to go through this twice in one week just to have a shower!
Another day, another disaster conquered
Fun on the damp Funny Farm!!
Monday 27 October 2014
The Tale Of The Shower Head
My morning routine goes something like this. I struggle out of my warm bed, hobble out into the kitchen, make porridge and a cup of coffee and watch the news while consuming my breakfast. I then go and have a shower. The routine of the shower is the same everyday. I turn on the taps take my glasses off (something the isn't always remembered) and get in the shower. On this occasion I did my usual routines, took my glasses off and slipped my hand round the shower curtain to test if the water would strip my skin off or cause goosebumps. As my hand groped about in the general direction of where the water would be coming out I could feel nothing. My swooping motion got wider in an effort to reach the cascading water but still nothing, I then thought maybe I had not pulled the leaver up to make the water change direction, but this had been done. Having no glasses on I was unable to see where the water, which I could hear, was coming out. I then waved my hand under the taps only to feel the water coming out there. Turning off the taps I then reached for my glasses only to find out that the shower attachment had cracked and fallen off.
Standing in the bathroom trying to think of a way to mend it I suddenly remembered that a week ago I had sold a shower unit that had been installed in the garage (for reasons I don't know) and that we had taken off the shower attachment before the buyer took the shower unit away subsequently forgetting to take the shower attachment.
Optimistically I tiptoed into the garage with a towel wrapped around me, trying to avoid any dead mice or mud while searching for the attachment. Search as I might I could not find it. I went and asked my daughter where it went and she said that she had thrown it outside. Frustrated I then tried to open to garage door through a carpet of spiders webs. As it happened it was throwing it down with rain and the thought did cross my mind that maybe I should just stand outside to have a wash. Looking around in the six foot gorse bushes that had grown over the back of the garage in a twisted mass and the weeds that were more like triffids while trying to avoid getting stuck solid into the blackberry thorns. At this point I wondered who else had to go through all this just to have a bloody shower.
Suddenly there is was half submerged in the mud. Pulling it up out of the sticky wet mud I found my hair had welded itself into a section of the gorse bush. Ripping my hair out to free myself, which was now soaking wet, I left a clump of it behind hanging from the thorns.
Tiptoeing back into the house I fixed the shower to the taps, then found that it was shorter than the old on and would not fit in the holder. I then couldn't move the holder down as it was stuck fast. I stood there shaking it side to side moving it down a mm at a time until after 5 minutes it was at the right height. Triumphantly I turned on the taps, water cascaded out from the shower head and I jumped in only to find it was a sports shower head and the sudden sharp knife like jet of water hit my body with such force I was expecting to find my nipples laying on the floor. Squealing in pain I fiddled with the shower head trying to turn it to a more pleasant flow.
Finally I managed a nice warm shower and was able to start my day. I'm still wondering if anyone else ever has to go through all this just to have a shower.
Just a bit more fun from the Funny Farm.
Standing in the bathroom trying to think of a way to mend it I suddenly remembered that a week ago I had sold a shower unit that had been installed in the garage (for reasons I don't know) and that we had taken off the shower attachment before the buyer took the shower unit away subsequently forgetting to take the shower attachment.
Optimistically I tiptoed into the garage with a towel wrapped around me, trying to avoid any dead mice or mud while searching for the attachment. Search as I might I could not find it. I went and asked my daughter where it went and she said that she had thrown it outside. Frustrated I then tried to open to garage door through a carpet of spiders webs. As it happened it was throwing it down with rain and the thought did cross my mind that maybe I should just stand outside to have a wash. Looking around in the six foot gorse bushes that had grown over the back of the garage in a twisted mass and the weeds that were more like triffids while trying to avoid getting stuck solid into the blackberry thorns. At this point I wondered who else had to go through all this just to have a bloody shower.
Suddenly there is was half submerged in the mud. Pulling it up out of the sticky wet mud I found my hair had welded itself into a section of the gorse bush. Ripping my hair out to free myself, which was now soaking wet, I left a clump of it behind hanging from the thorns.
Tiptoeing back into the house I fixed the shower to the taps, then found that it was shorter than the old on and would not fit in the holder. I then couldn't move the holder down as it was stuck fast. I stood there shaking it side to side moving it down a mm at a time until after 5 minutes it was at the right height. Triumphantly I turned on the taps, water cascaded out from the shower head and I jumped in only to find it was a sports shower head and the sudden sharp knife like jet of water hit my body with such force I was expecting to find my nipples laying on the floor. Squealing in pain I fiddled with the shower head trying to turn it to a more pleasant flow.
Finally I managed a nice warm shower and was able to start my day. I'm still wondering if anyone else ever has to go through all this just to have a shower.
Just a bit more fun from the Funny Farm.
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