Tuesday 23 July 2013

Brown Cows and Bare Breasts

Today started off as usual.  Dogs desperate to go out for leg cocking and ablutions, cats with empty stomachs, duck quacking loudly wanting the door open to their daytime paddling play area and me wanting my morning coffee.

My daughter rose with her usual unenthusiastic lethargy, walking around the house in a trance like state wearing nothing but a little denim skirt.

I made my coffee, took the washing out of the machine, fed the cats and headed outside with washing and dogs in tow.  As I walked to the washing line my dogs ran down the drive and started barking madly at something I couldn't see. I called them several times, hoping it was no a visitor as I was sporting just a t-shirt and hadn't finished my coffee.  As the dogs continues to bark in a scary manor, my daughter burst out of the door holding her breasts under one arm and waving the other arm in the air, she cried there are cows on the drive.

Turning around  I walked up the drive only to be faced by two very large brown cows staring back at me.  Dragging the dogs back into the house my daughter and I started the process of coaxing them back over the fields to where we thought they had come from.  This being several fields away.

While slipping in cow poo we ran through the swaying corn, me in my t-shirt and my daughter with just her skirt and no top ran round to the left of the field after the cows, while I ran behind, as we tried to steer them in the right direction. It occurred to me that there may be a farmer in the adjacent fields looking for his cows.  Trying to impart my worry to my daughter I shouted at her across the fields.  She unaware of me shouting, just waved back and just kept on running naked across the fields. I lost sight of her as she jumped over a hedge separating the fields and disappeared into the next field.  Unable to keep up I stopped and let her carry on steering the wayward cows.  As I trudged back to the farm the thunder started and the sky grew dark.  Being accompanied by only a panting tabby cat  got back to the house.

It took my daughter 15 minutes to arrive back at the house without the cows or a top!

Just another day on the Funny Farm!