The Incredible Hulk!

Well this is what I have been working on for the last few days.  It is a present for my son for his Birthday.  He is of course the Incredible Hulk who has anger management issues and turns green and enormous when angry.

Loved by many, emulated by loads, yearned to be like by lots, watched by the world, acted out by many a child and drawn by a few.

Sometimes I think it would be good to  have the power to explode into a massive green creature when someone does something you don't like or tries to take you  for a fool.  It would have saved me from a lot of past grief.  Still maybe we can be like The Hulk be the massive warrior inside, strong and full of courage.  We just need the strength of our conviction, be true to ourselves and have belief. Who needs to be big and green just to stand up for yourself?

First Job of the Year

So here I am away housesitting, my first job of the year! It's been eagerly awaited and finally here.  I am looking after one dog, four cats and four chickens.

The dog is gorgeous even though she shakes the walls with her deep loud snoring! The four cats are beautiful  a black one with no tail, a ginger tom, a calico and a long haired tabby. The chickens are just chickens enough said!

I've spent the week calling the ginger cat Ginger only to find out at the end of the week he is called Garfield! The four cats became five at several meal times, not sure where the fifth tabby came from but her acting was brilliant and no one would believe she didn't belong.

I am living in a massive long french style house with rooms going off rooms going off rooms.  When at one end of the house you cannot here the phone ringing in the other end of it.  I have had the luxury of central heating all the time I've been here which is something I don't have at home.

The dog has become my best friend and even sits with me in the toilet and the cats are all waiting for me for cuddles, strokes and food. I think I must be a cat person as no matter how scared they are of me to start with they are always wanting hugs and kisses by the end of my stay.

The dog walks have been a Siberian experience with thick frosts and arctic winds that freeze your brain and render your fingers useless.

I go home with a days pay for some people but a weeks work for me, but happy in the knowledge that I've made new furry friends, have a new client and its better to have a little than nothing at all.

Valentines Day Poem

Will you still want me when I pluck my chin
When I can't touch my feet
And my sights growing dim

Will you still need me when I can't hear your voice
When your meals are all packaged
And you don't get a choice

Will you still love me when my body moves south
When my bladder won't hold
And my teeth pop out my mouth

Will you still hold me when my stomachs too large
When your arms won't go round
And I feel like a barge

Will you remind me when I'm old and grey
How you'll love me forever
On this Valentines Day ♥

Struggles pains forgiveness and peace

This week has been a very difficult week on every level. I felt like I had sunk to an all time low that I was not sure I could climb out of.  Now being someone who always has a smile, puts all my trouble aside and strides out into the world as if I don't have a care in the world, this week made that very hard.  When visiting a friend for coffee I was told 'you aren't yourself whats wrong' then she told her friend 'this is a girl who has been through so much trouble that anyone else would be in a mental home by now, but she just smiles and carries on'.

I had a back that hurt from my head to my toes, across to my fingers.  Every part of my back hurt and it was a struggle to put one foot in front of the other.  Now on a good day I would have gone to the Drs and got some pills but at the moment all my heathcare has been frozen.  After many calls no one seems to know and the only suggestion is to start again.  I now have dozens of forms to fill in and copies to send and their only piece of advice was 'don't get sick'!

January, as per usual, contained no work for me and the French government, due to an inconsistency over the last few years, are topping up my money with 16 euros! So this month has been a bit tight with me finding inventive ways to make little items in the cupboard go a very long way!

Despite the bad back Ive had to help with the chopping of the wood, walking of the dogs and general manual work which I think isn't the best for my back, as reading on the internet you should rest it!  Living in rural France with no money means if you want to keep warm you have to chop your wood, light your fire, cook your food and boil your water on the wood burner.

When laying on the floor in agony reflecting on all the terrible things that have happened and all the issues we have had to deal with since the start of 2013 I found myself getting upset, stressed, annoyed and angry as most of these issues would not have happened if in 2005 we had not had the misfortune to meet the infamous David Hitchcock.  All the things going wrong, debts and being stuck in France are all a direct result of meeting this man.

Feeling at an all time low and on the verge of giving up, throwing the towel in and telling everyone who thinks I'm strong and always smiling that I can't do it anymore I went on the internet to speak to my friend.  Hoping they would be online and able to talk I clicked in and there they were.  Pouring my heart out I told them all that had happened and how low and hopeless I felt at the moment with everything weighing me down and I just couldn't see a way out.  I also went on to say it was all this mans fault and we wouldn't be in this position if we hadn't met him and how I wish we could go back to 2004!

When I had finished my friend said to me you know what you have to do - you have to forgive him for everything he did to you!  Until you forgive him you will never have peace, you will continually go back over the past whenever something goes wrong.  You will never have inner peace and be able to move on until you can forgive him totally.  This is the hardest thing I think I have ever thought about doing.  After giving it a lot of thought I realised that I had forgiven my ex husband for what he had done to us and I nearly lost my life by his hand but still I had forgiven him so why should it be that difficult to forgive David Hitchcock?

I think part of the reason is that it affected my whole family and more importantly it affected my parents leaving them broke and living in poverty.  Also the fact that he knew what he had done but just walked away.  I think the fact that my mother died living in one room, no heating, no running water and no money has something to do with why it is so difficult to forgive.  That said forgiveness has to happen at some point, otherwise we will continue to resent living here and everything about our lives.  If we can't forgive we will never move on and enjoy the rest of our lives thus we are wasting a lot of time due to this man.  He on the other hand has moved on living his life without a thought or care in the world.

So we need to forgive, both him and ourselves for letting him do this to us.  Make a point to stop connecting everything that goes wrong with him. Allow ourselves to heal, recover, move on, regain inner peace and above all start really enjoying life again.