On my usual mission of the day I was charging around looking for things that, as usual, where not in the place they should be and having a bad foot at the moment wasn't making it an easy task.
I needed to get into the beginning of the long shed and spent some time looking for the key to it. As usual the key had done a disappearing act and I decided to go into the front workshop via the next one which key was available. This meant that I had to go through the middle double doors and by doing so I only had one back light available to put on when entering the front workshop.
So there I was clambering around in the semi dark to get to the front of the building so that I could illuminate it properly and find the item I was looking for. Hobbling on my bad foot stepping over things and round piles I saw a bowl of thick oil on the floor. Shining in the semi dark in a rusty saucepan I made a conscious effort to step over it. Unknown to me, there was another plastic pot of oil lurking in the shadow straight in front of it. I did my biggest step over the saucepan only to step down hard completely on the front of the large plastic pot. The pot did a flipping motion propelling the sticky black oil straight up the back of me. I felt the oil reach the top of my bottom and could feel it oozing down my right leg. Unable to see what had happened properly I limped on my bad foot and tiptoeing on my oily foot over to the lights so I could thrust open the big double doors at the front to assess the situation, while leaving a trail of oily puddles with each step.
When the double doors opened and the light flooded into the room I could see the extent of the disaster. There was oil everywhere and I was covered right through to my skin. I hobbled back to the house angry, upset, sniffing back tears of annoyance, while shouting to everyone what had happened. No rushes of help or any kind of emergency was shown by the family. All I could here was laughter and disbelief that I had done something so stupid.
I peeled off my clothes and put them into a plastic bin bag and tiptoed into the shower where I cried while I covered myself with bleach, Ajax, Flash, soap, shower gel and washing up liquid in an effort to remove the oil. All I ended up with was a black oily right leg, a black oily right bum cheek and two black oily feet. Oh and I forgot to say The shower has been turned black and no amount of bleach can remove it so I am reminded every morning of this wonderful event when I take a shower.
It has taken around three weeks for my skin to replace itself and the oil is still on the floor in the front workshop as I cannot bring myself to clean it up yet. I can see the funny side of it now by the way, which leads me to the moral of this story is, if you do an oil change do not leave the oil in the shed!!
That's all for now from the sticky black Funny Farm.
