Friday 21 March 2014

A Vision

Well today I popped into town to get a few bits. On the way home I was blessed with a vision of a man, in town, standing up doing a wee on someone's garage doors!  If it's not bad enough that on a daily basis you have to detour around a car abandoned in the middle of the road and the vision of the driver doing a wee in the fields or up a bush on the side of the road but to be forced to see someone's tackle in town is beyond the pale.

The once raging appetite, which was the reason for me buying the Emmental Salade sandwich, vanished in a blink of an eye, now left with this disturbing vision not sure cheese is on the menu!

I wonder if the offending male would wee up his own garage doors or would be happy if a stranger elected his garage doors to empty his bladder onto?

Oh the joys of rural life!

Friday 14 March 2014

Today

So today I am on the road to recovery.  I have had some sort of flu like virus which put me in bed for two days and rendered me more useless than I already am.  So today I get up and feel slightly more normal.  Making the list of things to do that should have been done a few days ago, I swig down a vitamin, mineral drink to aid the energy that is lacking, eat my sugarless porridge and get ready to hit the day.

First job was to feed the cats.  There are several sections of cats, the outside ones the indoors ones and the cattery.  So in my slippers and dressing gown I step outside into the garage to feed the outside ones only to squidge my left bunny, fluffy with ears slipper straight into a lump of poo! Totally horrified I hobble outside to scrape my slipper on the grass only to step into a large wet goose poo with the other slipper just outside the garage door!!! Removing both slippers I tiptoe back inside holding bunny slippers at arms length.  Throwing them mistakenly in the dishwasher I then put on rubber outside shoes and go to clean up the mess!  I then realised I had put them into the wrong machine panicked, put it right and put dishwasher on for an intensive cycle.

Having felt a bit better today I have done many loads of washing.  This was not without hassle.  Hanging up the washing is an art as you have to hang it high enough so the outside cats don't squirt up it.  You have to keep an eye on the bag full of the washing because they have a habit of sidling up unannounced and do a quick squirt just so you don't notice and then run off. You also have to be careful not to fall down the holes in the grass.  This I did today went flat on my face, when standing up I noticed my hand was brown and knowing my luck it wasn't mud!!! Having a tentative sniff I was relieved to say it was.

All this aside I am happy to say  I am on the mend and the weather is lovely.  My little friendly goose is always happy to see me and wanting her lovely long neck stroked.   What a day now its the cooking a meal for the family.  Always fun here on the Funny Farm.

Wednesday 12 March 2014

Just Wondering

I'm just wondering if its fair.  When you are married and your other half does something wrong and you divorce, you have to pay to divorce them even though they are the ones who have wronged you.

My divorce cost me over £12,000 all because my husband fought every step of the way wanted everything, even the roof over our children's head.  I had to take it all to court which cost even more.  He on the other hand was in prison so got everything free.  The state had to pay to have him taken out of prison to attend court which cost a fortune as he had to be in an heavy duty van, handcuffed to two guards. Me on the other hand was suffering from a head injury, traumatized children and a redundancy.

He spent his life living on the back of my career and didn't really contribute to much.  It seems so wrong that he then wanted the house the car the money and said he didn't care if his children were left on the street penniless!  I remember the judge in the court telling him that in his court my husband has no rights specially as he was sitting handcuffed to two big guards!  He also said that he would not have allowed the attack charge to be reduced so as to guarantee a charge, something that still upsets me as I had concussion for a week and didn't recover properly for over 2 years from the head injury.

I now have the same problem (will I ever learn you say!).  I have my house here, which was paid for totally by my family, but has the man, who conned us out of over a million euros, name on the deeds.  I remember him saying that he will not do all the building work if he doesn't have his name on the deeds as well.  He said how can I trust you not to shut me out when I've given up everything  for you!!! I have since found out that if I die he gets everything and my family can be thrown out and be homeless.  I now have to pay to take his name off and it is possible, specially in french law, that I will have to give him half the value of the property.  Bearing in mind he put nothing into the property has never paid one bill and was in debt, we found out after he disappeared, when we met him.  This I have been told will cost me a lot of money. something I do not have, plus it might not ever be able to be done.  French law is different and doesn't make a lot of sense. He told the police when he was arrested that he didn't want anything to do with the house but he knows if he just hangs on he is going to inherit it.

So I am asking why do we have to be the ones to pay for the right thing to happen.  I also want to know if I have finally learnt my lesson.  Although I have to say when my whole family were conned I was recovering from a head injury, a divorce and a redundancy.  I had taken several little jobs just to make ends meat but was very unwell, so to have a man come in like a angel doing everything, helping everyone and generally being wonderful you tent to let them take over.  It is not until you are left with nothing you find out he heard about your story and zoned in on you!

So I ask again is it fair that the wronged party has to do all the legal work and all the paying?  It seems a little unfair. Also if I haven't learnt my lesson now then there is no hope for me!  

Sunday 9 March 2014

Never a Dull Moment

So I'm on the last day of this job, a bunch of kenneled dogs.  While I waded through the copious amounts of dog wee and poo, which I might add had been spread thickly across the floor like nutella, I wonder to myself how did I end up doing this?

The room where the dogs live is cold even on a hot day and the smell is quite lively!  The smell of pungent dog poo lingers in your nostrils for many hours after leaving said barn.  Worrying in the fact that a physics teacher in my secondary school once told us that you smell things because little particles of the smell go up your nose and stick to your hairs, remember that the next time someone close to you has wind!!! Some facts are better left unknown.

Not sure if you remember but we now have 21 cats at home.  This is not by choice but just happened.  My local vet who is wonderful said that the worming tablets cost over 6 euros each and that she has got some treatments you use on farm animals that is the same but would cost less.  After working out the relevant dosage I went away with two bottles.  Well today we tried to worm all 21 cats!  We first had to weight the cats.  This proved very hard as some were tiny and didnt even move the scales.  We resorted to the kitchen scales and a plastic bowl.  Then my daughter had to stand on the other scales then hold the cat while I peered through squinting eyes to work out how many tiny red lines had increased.  After that I then had to prepare two pipettes of liquid.  My daughter then holding the cats feet and scruff I proceeded to squirt the liquid into their mouths.  It turns out that one of the treatments is ok the other is foul and all cats foamed at the mouth went crazy and thew up!  This took a few hours to complete and was traumatic for all concerned.  I'm thinking maybe it would be better to save up and buy the tablets instead.

Other news on the funny farm, our dog Alfie stole my daughter's salmon puff and managed to eat it before she got to him.  We have a glut of goose and duck eggs.  Oh and my son thought he would light to fire that belongs to the central heating.  This has not been used for few years as the pipes are all split.  I get a phone call saying we have had a massive leak.  Not sure why or what reason he decided to do this but we now have brown water marks all over the walls, the hall carpet has had to hung high up on a pole to dry off without cats squirting on it.  The phone now crackles when used and the platerboard is looking a little wobbly!

Never a dull moment on the Funny Farm