The 3 second dash and the travelling Ivy

Well I have had an eventful couple of weeks.  Firstly I went down with a terrible bug which rendered me useless for over a week.

 I woke up with a pounding headache, pains in my stomach and a desperate need to go to the toilet.  This bug gave me about 3 seconds between knowing I needed to go to the toilet and knowing I was not going to make it!  Being that our toilet is in the coldest, dampest most miserable end of the house it was not really my choice to spend a week hovering around the toilet door, shivering and sad.  Added to this I found out at the onset of the bug that we had a total of one and a half toilet rolls and 5 hygienic wipes (or bum wipes as we call them) left in the house.  As I am sure you all know by now that my toilet has the worst flush in the world and very little gets round the U bend, just adding to the joys of a stomach bug.

My dog, who usually trots in to join me when I go to the toilet, even got fed up with the amount of times I went and by the third day ignored my 3 minute mile dash through the corridors and doors in an effort to beat the 3 second warning! 

After about 5 days I thought I was never going to get better and decided to phone the Dr.  Hoping that I would be able to explain to him that there was no way I could drive the 4 minutes to his surgery and sit with ailing people for around one hour just to be told to drink plenty of fluids and rest.  Well I need not have worried as all I was given was a garbled message, spoken in 100 miles an hour french that the surgery was shut today.  I say surgery in a very lose way as it consists of one room and a tiny waiting room with a few chairs. 

So bravely I stuck it out for the duration of the bug and finally the 3 second warning stretched to 3 minutes and after about 7 days I was finally better.  

Well today I was taking a shower and of course not wearing my glasses.  I looked up at the air vent, which I have duct taped a  piece of cardboard over as the ice like air that blasts through the holes would freeze the balls off a monkey, and what did I see a long black line coming from it.  At first I thought 'snake', then looking a bit closer I could see something green.  After a quick soap down and rinse I grabbed my glasses and slipped them on.  

Well you might have been wrong in thinking it was another slug to join the party going on in the toilet, or another little snail that might want to have a chin wag with the other snail who joined the slugs in the toilet but no it was the end of a creeping ivy.  It had also had the cheek to spout a leaf sitting there all proud saying hello I have come to join you in the shower! 

After said shower I went outside to investigate and the ivy has now overtaken the rambling bramble and it making its way to the roof which can only be a bad thing.  I have heard rumours that Ivy can take a roof off!!  I am so pleased, just another problem to add to the millions and another job that is being put to the top of the list of 'to dos'

It's a creeping crawling life on the Funny Farm 

The case of the unknown knickers

Picture this if you will, I live in the middle of nowhere on a rural farm, a few fields from the nearest road and only fields and forests around.

This morning the sun is shining and the wind is blowing nicely, I have washing on ready to slap on the line, making the most of the, out of character, October sun.  The wind turbines are whooshing around at great speed today too and all is well. The animals are sunning themselves in the warmth of the sun and the dogs are lazing around as usual.  The geese, ducks and chickens are all busying themselves in the mass of grass and growth around the farm.

My daughter and I are eating porridge and planning the day when she says to me 'whats that hanging on the well pump Mum?'  Looking out the window I see something black floating around in the wind.  Having no idea what it could be and thinking it must be a back plastic bag that had been blown in that direction and got caught on the pump I go outside to investigate further. Getting closer I could see it was an item of clothing.  When I got to the well pump I said to my daughter, 'it's only a pair of knickers!'

Taking them off the pump and holding them up, my daughter said 'well they aren't mine'.  As they weren't mine either and definitely not my father's or my son's we looked at each other, laughed and said in unison 'where the hell did they come from then!!!

How could a pair of sun bleached black size 14 F&H knickers find themselves onto our farm and lodge themselves on the well pump?  Having no neighbours nearby and being so far away from anyone how could they get here?  I seriously doubt that someone would drive up to our farm and throw their knickers in the direction of the pump.

If anyone has visited me lately and found they left without their knickers please contact me as they may well be yours!!

Strange but true

Unexplained happenings on the Funny Farm

The Tale of the Shower Head Part 2

After all the effort I went through to get a fully functional, comfortable shower, today my daughter turned on the shower and before she could do the swooping motion to check the temperature of the cascading water, the shower head disintegrated and water burst out in every angle drowning the bathroom and my daughter.

The first I heard of it was the squeals of horror as boiling hot water shot around the bathroom at great speed.  I ran into the bathroom to see what was happening with dog in toe only to be met with water happily jetting itself on every wall.

The dog made a hasty retreat in case it was his turn for a shower as I tried to wade through the water to turn the taps off.

When examining the shower head I found the part where the water comes out had come unattached from the head itself. So there I was dripping wet trying to fix it.  I suddenly had an idea the old shower had a good head as it was only the attachment that had cracked and broken.

So there we were, daughter in a little towel and me dripping wet, tiptoeing into the garage, trying to avoid dead mice and mud, looking for the old shower head, at this point a touch of deja vu crept in.

Finding the old shower head we triumphantly tiptoed back into the bathroom.  Then came  the job of trying to unscrew the broken shower head, which was stuck solid due to being outside for a few weeks lying in mud under the gorse bushes.  Then I had the job of trying to unscrew the old shower head which was stuck fast due to limescale and old age!  After 5 minutes we both shouted 'hoorah' as we had successfully attached the old shower head on. Then came the moment of truth as we turned on the taps and hay presto water cascaded out!

I did wonder again how many other people have had to go through this twice in one week just to have a shower!

Another day, another disaster conquered

Fun on the damp Funny Farm!!

The Tale Of The Shower Head

My morning routine goes something like this.  I struggle out of my warm bed, hobble out into the kitchen, make porridge and a cup of coffee and watch the news while consuming my breakfast.  I then go and have a shower.  The routine of the shower is the same everyday.  I turn on the taps take my glasses off (something the isn't always remembered) and get in the shower.  On this occasion I did my usual routines, took my glasses off and slipped my hand round the shower curtain to test if the water would strip my skin off or cause goosebumps. As my hand groped about in the general direction of where the water would be coming out I could feel nothing.  My swooping motion got wider in an effort to reach the cascading water but still nothing, I then thought maybe I had not pulled the leaver up to make the water change direction, but this had been done.  Having no glasses on I was unable to see where the water, which I could hear, was coming out.  I then waved my hand under the taps only to feel the water coming out there. Turning off the taps I then reached for my glasses only to find out that the shower attachment had cracked and fallen off.

Standing in the bathroom trying to think of a way to mend it I suddenly remembered that a week ago I had sold a shower unit that had been installed in the garage (for reasons I don't know) and that we had taken off the shower attachment before the buyer took the shower unit away subsequently forgetting to take the shower attachment.

Optimistically I tiptoed into the garage with a towel wrapped around me, trying to avoid any dead mice or mud while searching for the attachment.  Search as I might I could not find it.  I went and asked my daughter where it went and she said that she had thrown it outside.  Frustrated I then tried to open to garage door through a carpet of spiders webs.  As it happened it was throwing it down with rain and the thought did cross my mind that maybe I should just stand outside to have a wash.  Looking around in the six foot gorse bushes that had grown over the back of the garage in a twisted mass and the weeds that were more like triffids while trying to avoid getting stuck solid into the blackberry thorns. At this point I wondered who else had to go through all this just to have a bloody shower.

Suddenly there is was half submerged in the mud.  Pulling it up out of the sticky wet mud I found my hair had welded itself into a section of the gorse bush. Ripping my hair out to free myself, which was now soaking wet, I left a clump of it behind hanging from the thorns.

Tiptoeing back into the house I fixed the shower to the taps, then found that it was shorter than the old on and would not fit in the holder.  I then couldn't move the holder down as it was stuck fast.  I stood there shaking it side to side moving it down a mm at a time until after 5 minutes it was at the right height. Triumphantly I turned on the taps, water cascaded out from the shower head and I jumped in only to find it was a sports shower head and the sudden sharp knife like jet of water hit my body with such force I was expecting to find my nipples laying on the floor.  Squealing in pain I fiddled with the shower head trying to turn it to a more pleasant flow.

Finally I managed a nice warm shower and was able to start my day. I'm still wondering if anyone else ever has to go through all this just to have a shower.

Just a bit more fun from the Funny Farm.

The Wonderful Power of Twitter

Hello all, I come to you today to tell you the story of my experiences with Twitter.  I first came on Twitter a few years ago when I was on a housesit with nothing much to do but play about on the computer.  I had heard a lot about it but had little experience.  I tapped in, logged on and that's when the magic began.

At first I had a few people I was following, not really knowing what I was looking for and was not really a Twitter Pro!  I following famous people, people who made me laugh and within a short time I was totally hooked.

The thing about Twitter is it can be a totally unfriendly arena or you can feel completely loved.  There is no real inbetween. Gradually I found some lovely friends on there and also some family members.  I have regular conversations with people and some of whom I intend to meet up with at some point. It can be a platform for building quality relationships and friendships that last a long time.

Twitter can be a fantastic marketing tool for all talents, businesses and advice.  You  can promote anything and know it reaches millions of viewers.  I have had the pleasure of stumbling upon the best Authors and the most enjoyable books ever read, courtesy of Twitter.  I have had people offering advice and pointing me in the right direction with issues or problems I might be encountering and offers of support and the odd cyber hug.

Then there is the other side of Twitter a very important side which I found out to be the best, most powerful side. There is the power of publicity when you have a problem.  No company wants a problem aired to millions of people.  This I found out quite by accident and fortunately for me it all worked to my advantage.

My first encounter with the power of Twitter was when I had been battling with Barclays for over 2 years with a fraud case.  There had been the usual lost information, never received letters, threats from dept collectors and the usual stress that goes with these issues. One day I was reading Twitter with my morning coffee and there was a tweet from someone saying '2 months to sort out a problem Barclays need to get their act together'. I casually answered this with a smile on my lips and a little chuckle 'thats nothing I've had a fraud case going on for 2yrs, lost info & no end in sight'.  Within 10 minutes I had a tweet from Barclays saying please email me all you details we are sorry you have had a problem.

I was so astonished but emailed them all the story (took several pages).  I pressed the send button not expecting anything to happen.  I was wrong, I got an email back straight away saying they were looking into the details and would be back to me within 2 weeks.  I was shocked, but a part of me was saying, I bet it will be more like 2 years!

Well within 2 weeks I got an email asking for more details etc. I duly sent off more details.  I then received a phone call which went something like this:

Hello Ms Davey,  I am so sorry for the delay,  I cannot tell you where your information went to as we have a record that we received it several times.  We would like to inform you that we agree it was a fraud and we will be repaying everything back, restoring your credit rating and paying you compensation. We are really sorry this has taken so long and we have no explanation!

I sad down and cried as this was such a relief I could not believe it was sorted after years of stress!

My second encounter with the power of Twitter was a problem with a phone company over here SFR.  My daughter cancelled the contract with them and stopped her monthly payments. They didn't register that she had cancelled the contact and carried on sending her demands for money unpaid.  We went in the shop to sort it out, we sent letters, we even paid the other bills just to shut them up but nothing worked.  So again I went on Twitter to ask SFR what I had to do to get them to realise that we had paid all the bills and cancelled the contract. They agreed that we had paid but that the outstanding (in their opinion) had been sent to the debt collectors!  I then sent all the Twitter conversation off to the debt collectors plus all the information to prove we had paid it. They still did't agree that we had paid and the saga went on. This went on for 8 months. Finally after sending proof from the bank that we had paid all bills I told them to go away otherwise I would send them my medical bills for the stress they are causing me.  Well I then get the debt collectors following me on Twitter and then a message comes through saying that they have sorted it, sorry and the case is closed.

My last Power of Twitter is finding a lovely family member who is a wonderful Author and artist. Peter Davey just turned up on Twitter on my timeline and we hit it off straight away which has been a true blessing.

So you see Twitter has many faces, many uses and is a wonderful platform for a multitude of needs.

This is my tribute to Twitter for helping me with many things, some stressful and some a delight.

So to Twitter I say 'Thank you very much' The Funny Farm thinks your fantastic!

Soggy Headings

So while I move pee sodden newspaper around into a ball with my plastic crocks trying not to step on three black balls of fur biting at my trousers, clawing my legs and chewing the strap of my shoes, I dream of lying on a warm beach with the white sand cascading through my toes and the sound of the waves gently rolling in and out. Back in reality I find I have trodden on a soft brown poo hiding just out of sight beside some wet paper.  Scraping it off onto the saturated newspaper which, most fittingly, has a heading of 'I saw my mother get sucked down the toilet' I wondered why people put themselves through all this everyday.  For me this is just a job and one that in a weeks time I can leave and go home but for some it is an everyday routine.

Poo seems to feature quit regularly in my life now, not through choice but from a desperate need to earn a living and trying to find something that you don't need to speak the language fluently and you don't really need to use your intelligence or brain power. If it's not animals poo it the blocked toilet I have to contend with on a daily basis.Then there is the smell of the Fosse and when the wind is blowing towards the house the whole place smells like a cow shed.

This worked for me a few years ago when I had little or no brainpower left, I was coming out from many traumas and stress and just needed something that took me away from reality.  Well now I am, what you could say, all better I am needing to use my brain again and engage in the real world.

Cleaning up dogs poo and making scrambled eggs and rice pudding for 4 legged fluff balls, having my arms pulled out of their sockets on walks, woken up at night with howling visitors and being knocked off my feet by 50kg monsters is all very well and dandy but this girl needs to get more time to be creative.

I have many project on the go and that's where they stop.  On the go is about as far as I can get them due to the lack of time.  I have a house which is in needs of lots of work, there are the daily jobs that take up most of my time and that's without trying to make a living.  Far too much for one person by themselves.  My days of multitasking have flown away, just the word multitasking brings me out into a cold sweat.  We strive for bigger and better things in life but we are a long time dead.  These days I am elated when I see the hot water coming out of the tap and ecstatic when I've ordered wood for the winter.  I have to admit though that I have had in my wish list a beautiful dark pink Fosse bag which matches my purse and in my wish list it will stay as who can justify £100 for a bag! I do peek at it now and then just to make sure it is still just as beautiful.

Don't get me wrong I am grateful for the business I have built up, albeit small.  It has kept food on our table and shoes on our feet, I just sometimes, when I am knee deep in excrement, wish I was back in my office talking to clients on the phone and organising print schedules and delivery dates, outwork and orders and all things print!!

Oh and by the way the weather here in France today is pants!  So much for balmy evenings, warm summer days sipping wine and eating cheese, its chucking it down and blowing a gale!!

Back to poo collections and reading sodden newspaper headings!  Life not so far away from the Funny Farm

The tale of the fiery crotch

Well I am sure if I said to you fiery crotch you would be tempted to say lucky you. Well let me tell you there was no 'lucky me' the day I was inflicted with this terrible condition!!

I had inadvertently bought some trousers in the sale.  As I thought nice patterned ones which would do for a summer.  Being unaware of their fibre content and thinking they felt like mostly cotton with a little, shall we say, stretch ability added.

I decided to wear them on what turned out to be one of the hottest days this year and a day I was going to be travelling, in the car around France, for most of it!

Well donning these slacks in the morning light when the sun was just up and the temperature had only just begun to rise,  was no problem.

The problem arose about an hour into the day and while driving in sweltering temperatures I could feel the heat rising in my crotch and feeling like a fire had started.

Telling my daughter was no comfort as she just laughed!  As the day went on I was so uncomfortable that the thought of just ripping them off and driving in my pants was definitely an option that might have come to fruition.

Have you ever felt so uncomfortable that you would be happy to run around naked if it meant the discomfort was stopped?  Well that's how I felt.

The feeling of fire trapped within your trousers is the most unpleasant feeling ever.  I ended up at one of my stops taking them off for a bit of light relief. When looking at the label there it was in tiny type thermal qualities!!!

I now know why they were being sold off in the summer at such a bargain price and have learnt to read labels before going out in thermal trousers when the temperature is in the late 30s!

Needless to say my legs were red and I would say felt burnt and my daughter was happy to tell everyone I was suffering from nappy rash hahaha

Always fun on the Funny Farm!

Hidden Costs

I often here people saying how wonderful it is to have natural resources and live off the land.  Well let me just give you the heads up on natural resources.

It isn't as cost effective as you might think.  So we have a well. a great resource but it needs a pump that runs on electric and an experienced man who knows what he is doing to attach it all up so it works.  Then you need to pay to have the water tested to see if the filter (that you bought) work and the water is ok to drink.  If not then you will get a report saying you can use it for everything else but drinking so please buy bottled water for consumption!!

We then have a wood burner.  Brilliant you think living off the natural woodland.  All very well but you either have to buy the wood which costs a fortune or if you are lucky enough to have wood on your land you have to cut it yourself.  This means you buying a heavy duty chainsaw which costs several hundreds of Euros, the fuel and oil to put in it and then pay for the regular sharpening of the chain.

Growing your own produce is wonderful but if you, like us, have poor soil you have to add good compost.  Now you can either buy it or make it yourself either way it will cost you.  Then when you have the produce all grown and picked you either have to cook, blanch or bag it up to freeze.  This consists of buying the bags, boxes or trays, using gas or electric to cook and in some cases people go and buy another freezer to hold all the produce costing more electric to run and the cost of the freezer. Then you have to think of pest control which costs even if you do the natural or chemical method, then there is the mesh covers to stop birds and pests eating the produce, the canes to hold things up and the feed to encourage them to grow.

Speaking from someone who has experiences both ways of living the on tap touch of a button type and the hard graft living the natural basic life I can say nothing in life is free and whatever way round you do it it's going to cost you.

No so Free on the Funny Farm!

The BBQ

Well today I am sitting in the sun under a large umbrella watching the guest dogs play on the grass and the many cats pouncing and playing with each other.  I am also wondering why.  I am wondering why I agreed to having a BBQ this weekend.  I must have been mad, when, with not a care in the world, excitedly I said yes what a great idea lets have a BBQ!!  Forgetting that the BBQ had been resting in a dark corner of the barn for several years and was covered in straw, cobwebs, cat prints (possible cat wee too!) and bugs of all description, plus it had been used to stand plant pots and soil on.

So yesterday my daughter and I dragged out this massive BBQ with only one wheel and a stump so the process was difficult, to say the least, as it was heavy.

I then spent the best part of the day steam cleaning, jet washing and scrubbing it in an effort to get it up to standard.  Then came the moment of truth, would it start.  I managed to screw on the gas bottle and then nothing!  No not a puff, squirt or smell of gas came from the jets.  I tried matches and blowing on it and even gave it a shake.  I then unscrewed the gas bottle and tried again.  This time I could hear the gas escaping  hoorah you say, not too soon I say, it still wouldn't start.  I then tried the matches again as the ignition has no turn press and hold function anymore and was welded into one position 'off'!!  Low and behold a whoosh of gas and the jets ignited hoorah we all said whoop whoop I hear you saying!

I then left in on for a long time to burn off any further rust and unwanted deposits.  So today I will be attacking it with a wire brush and a further jet wash and steam.  Then I thought I might cook dinner on it tonight and if we survive without any nasty after effects I think we can all say the BBQ is good to go!!!

The other jobs before people arrive at the Funny Farm are, change broken toilet seat,  not sure the guests would appreciate a pinched bum cheek as there is a knack of sitting on it without pain! Bag up washing and hide, clear hallway to toilet of dog paraphernalia, drag over chairs from storage, cut ever growing grass again and make sure all poo is picked up just prior to guests arriving and then put corks up dogs bums for duration of BBQ.  I also have to make flans, cook cakes roast stuff, chop things and make sure outside table is washed and all trace of cat paws have been removed before putting food on!!

So I say again WHY did I agree to such a silly idea and why has everyone said yes to coming!!!

Funny Farm Open for BBQ this weekend anyone with a strong stomach and partially sighted is welcome hahahaha

Time out

Yesterday my daughter and I went over to see a lovely lady called Helen Grinder.  She lives in a wonderful house in the middle of nowhere and she holds retreats, seminars and general wellness Reiki and many other relaxing sessions.

The house is calming, quiet and comfortable.  You feel an instant peace when you walk in.  It takes you away from all the madness of life today.

So I am saying to you if you fancy a change of path in life then she offers many great courses and retreats or if you just need that little escape from the the real world then this is the place to come.

Enjoy x


http://www.liftyourspirit.co.uk/

Days Gone By

I have just spent the best part of this afternoon making a pie.  First getting all the ingredients together cooking, seasoning and then making the sauce for the pie.  Then I set about making the pastry, rolling it out fitting and pressing, rolling then cutting and trimming it to fit the pie dish.  Then putting it all together and cooking it.

This got me thinking about days gone by.  In the past, like my mother, mums would stay at home bring up the children and cook for the family.  This, in those days, consisted of making everything from scratch.  When I was young there were no ready make meals and everything has a recipe or a passed down technique from mother to daughter.

I know now how long this takes and being a stay at home mum was a very full time job.  Not saying it isn't now but no wonderfully organised mum would have time to go to work and make pies, wash out toweling nappies by hand, sew dresses and keep the house clean with brooms and solid polish.

The modern woman is expected to go out to work, putting their children into care with strangers, keep their house clean and cook.  I for one, would have loved to have had the privilege of being a stay at home mum.  This was something I always wanted to be but my 'wonderful' husband said when I gave birth to my first child that there was no way he was going to be going out to work all day just to keep me sitting at home with the baby.  This meant my dear mum and dad took over the care of my children and I went back to work.

I remember rushing home in my lunch hour to make a flan ready for evening. Trying to live up to the standard my dear mum had and to try to do the things stay at home mums did.  This didn't last long as it was just to hard trying to juggle everything at once.

By going back to work I missed my children's first step, first word and all the fun experiences you get when you have children, something you can never get back if you miss.

The world seems to have gone a bit crazy, with all the publicity encouraging woman to work and fine child care.  In my opinion there is plenty of time to work after the children are at school and the roll of a mum is to be there for their babies.

I know if I had my time back I would not have gone back to work and ignored the rantings of my husband being jealous of me having a bit of time off work.

There are a lot of people who would disagree with me but I feel the balance of life has been tilted in the wrong direction and the warm safe family unit has been eroded.

In an ideal world we would be getting back to making things, instead of eating all this processed packaged foods which you are not quite sure what is in it.  The treasured arts of sewing, cooking and housework would still be being passed down from generation to generation.

So back to my home made pie which is about ready to eat and being the stay at home mum I finally am!!

Love from the Funny Farm x

The Mother-In-Law

I always thought I was very fortunate not to have a Mother-In-Law.  My ex husband's mother left the family when he was a small boy, never to be seen again.  I had a friend who's mother-in-law was an interfering lady, who made my friend feel like she wasn't bringing her children up correctly and always outdid the present giving.  Luckily for her the mother-in-law is not an ex so not giving her so much trouble.

I remember my fathers mother, my grandma, and her hatred of my mum.  She resented my Dad marrying my mum and remarked that he was marrying beneath him and thought he could have done better. She also said that it was far too early for him to be leaving home.  This was because she was upset about losing the housekeeping money he gave her.  Funny thing was he used to visit her regularly and still gave her money on the quiet.  My Mum would have been so upset if she had found out as they struggled a lot when they were first married.  She would also have been more upset if she knew her mother-in-law spent the money betting!

The few visits from the in-laws always went badly.  There were always fights over how to hang up my father's washing.  My mother would peg up his shirts and his mother would take them down and peg them up a different way, tutting and saying she didn't know how he survived married to someone who didn't know how to peg things up properly.

Then there was the refusal to eat the food my mother cooked, saying that is was overdone, underdone, tough, inedible and leaving it all on the plate.  Hurtful to say the least, especially when my mother has spent her last penny to buy the best.

One a few occasions, she would stand up and gather her long suffering husband (my Grandpa) and say Ted we are going home, can't spent another minute here! Leaving uneaten dinners and a bad atmosphere.

I remember the day my mother was informed by a family member that her mother-in-law had died. She jumped, skipped and ran down the stairs singing 'This is my lovely day'  only to slip and fall down the last few steps cracking her coccyx and being in pain for weeks! In her words the pain was worth the celebrations hahaha.

I have heard many other stories of the mother-in-law from hell plus many wonderful mother-in-laws.  I aim to be a lovely mother-in-law and hopefully will be loved.  I still stand by my original statement that I am glad I didn't have one and the hassle that sometimes comes along with having one.  So celebrate the Mother-In-Laws around the world good or bad, just don't break anything doing it!  

That Sinking Feeling

So today I stagger out of bed after being prompted by 3 alarms and go for my usual wee on the usual blocked toilet.

The routine of the morning goes something like this.  I have to make porridge for the children before they go to work.  Let the dog out for his wee on an unblocked field, and sit down with a coffee in front of the news.  After the children have gone off to work I set to carrying out the routine of unblocking the toilet.  I have mastered this procedure over the seven years of living in France.  It takes a cursory flush then a forceful, rigorous plunge.  Then four buckets of water tipped from a great height to get maximum jet action, then a wipe round with a disinfectant wipe, some foss friendly pointless cleaner (only function is to mask the ode to farmyard smell) and then a good scrub with a toilet brush and then a final four buckets of water tipped from a great height.  That concludes my daily ritual of the unblocking toilet routine.

Today though I woke up from having little sleep.  This was due to the cringe worthy, utterly embarrassing, crawl in a ball, fall down a large hole, fall asleep and never wake up type of day I had yesterday.

I had clients coming, clients to visit, the internet man was coming to fix the internet after having no phone or internet for week, an appointment with the Drs and various other things to try and fit around my already busy day.

I thought I had timed everything down to the last half hour, when a client failed to turn up in the allotted time given.  This caused a problem as I had to go out to see another client.  In my infinite wisdom I left my 84 year old dad in charge of meeting and greeting the late client.  Nothing could go wrong I thought.  I prepped him on anything and everything I thought could go wrong.  As these were new clients I had coffee ready and was going to sit and chat with them etc.  Well off I went to client and hoped and prayed all would go well.

I got back home to find another client on site and Dad said that the late client had turned up and all was well.  After a while I asked Dad if he had given them a coffee and he said no but the man had used the toilet.  No toilets are not a strong point on this farm, you would never find one in 'Homes and Gardens' and I have to be given plenty of warning if someone wants to venture in to take a leak!!

Tentatively asking him which toilet the client has used he said he had let him use the one in the long barn!!!!!!!!! My heart sank, I just wanted to sit and cry.  I asked him why he would let someone into a toilet that was broken no water in it, rubbish bags waiting to go to the bins in the village, piles of junk everywhere and a smell that would render even the most sinus challenged person unconscious.  I was speechless, what can you say when something has been done and there is nothing you can do about it?

I was always taught, in my years in client services, that if something goes wrong it's the recovery that saves the day.  The way in which you deal swiftly, calmly and with precision is how you will be remembered and the error gets forgotten.  So trying to put these words of wisdom into practice I called the client to say that everything was ok and to apologise for the toilet that wasn't a toilet but a smelly junk room, but even while talking to him I wanted to crawl into a corner and die.

I can just imagine the conversation he had with his wife about his experience in the room from hell.  So today, even though it is raining I shall be moving the junk from the room and cleaning it out and adding a sign on the door saying 'private'.

Apart from that, the internet man turned up at 8am and walked straight in my house without knocking, after propelling himself over the fence in his hydraulic lift on the back of the van (we do have a gate by the way!).  Luckily I was in my pjs not someone who walks around naked in the morning!  I then made my son a cup of tea with coffee in it and tried to put the drying up cloth back in the food cupboard.  I then spend half an hour walking on my heels and toes in the Drs room while being asked in french where it hurts!

So today, it might be raining cords (as the french say,) I am tired, the dog has come in soaked and shook all over me and the kitchen, all is well and nothing a little sleep, some chocolate and coffee won't fix.

Life on the Funny Farm remains hilarious!

Juggle Juggle Juggle

The last few weeks on the 'Funny Farm' have been a mixture of running and juggling.  Trying to slot in all sorts strange things into the usual daily muck and muddle.

Last week my Dad came back from a visit to family in the UK.  He arrived back at 2am and set the whole farm off barking, squawking, meowing and growling.  After being woken up its always hard to get back to sleep and means the day ahead is just a blur. He came back with chocolate and two bottles of Baileys so looks like my diet will have to wait a bit longer.

The rain sun rain sun sort of weather we have been having has made the grass grow so high I disappeared when trying to hang the washing up.  There I was wading through the long grass hoping not to tread on a snake trying to make it to the washing line.  When there I had a small line of slightly shorter grass, having pegged up all the clothes I stood back to view the clean washing swaying in the long grass with only the pegs on show!

The trouble is my strimmer is too big for me to use and I cannot get it started.  The other problem is the mower has a blunt blade and a wire which has come unattached!  I did at one point resort to a pair of scissors to cut some of the long course grass from around the concrete pots just so you can see the little purple flowers.  I was lucky enough to have a lovely friend come over and strim some of the garden, enough for me to use a borrowed mower to battle the war of the green stuff.  The mower I borrowed was not very powerful and not really fit to tackle the mass of thick, thin, tufts, course, silky and tough grass that covers the front of my house and is known as my lawn!  Not quite the same as the lovely lawn I had in the UK.  It was silky bright green and level.  The grass here has massive holes in it which are big enough for the mower and me to fall down and with all the thick grass you are unaware you are about to follow the mower and plunge head first down a hole.  Something that I did a few times last week.  After a lot of blood, sweat and tears the green stuff is now only a couple of inches tall.  We are getting there!

Apart from that I have spent a few hours with a friend, laughing, breathing in, carrying boxes over my head, heaving, pushing,  peering, taking pictures and stacking.  All in the name of helping and being a good friend.  It's amazing how much fun you can have doing a grueling job.

Also on the agenda this week has been the hospital, Dad had several teeth out and 6 stitches.  He is now on a cold liquid diet for a few days.  Then we had to go to the Doctors and the Pharmacie and the Tax office.  The internet live box packed up and the phone now doesn't work, now have to wait until next week for them to send out an engineer.  I also found out you have to order a cheque book in France they don't just see you have used your last one and send you another as happens in the UK.  So now I have to wait over a week to get a new one.

I am now on a lovely housesit but have found out I am allergic to Tonkinese cats fur and my eyes are swollen, red and running.  Strange as I have 21 cats at home and have no problem and I'm sitting with a dog and cat curled around me and looking at a book called 'Fifty Sheds Damper' with a wipe clean cover!! hahahaha

Let's Just Say ............

This week I spent a whole day sorting clearing and changing a computer desk over with a shelving unit.

I threw loads away, moved the table outside to the cattery, where I could place the antibacterial hand gel and virus killing spray on it to be used on entry.  I organised wires, placed phones, printers and live boxes on the disinfected shelves.  I bagged up things that had got out of hand on the shelves.  I washed the floor cleaned the walls, removing the mold and boxed up things that were becoming unruly.

After all the hard work I decided to try the mango paint I have bought for the kitchen walls.  A bright sunny colour that I thought would make the mornings and wake up process a little easier.

So I slopped the paint on covering me and the walls, floors and anything in a metre radius.  I completed a small metre square patch on the wall.  Loved the colour it was just as sunny and bright as I thought it would be.

Anyway the next day my friend turned up to walk my dogs with her dog.  After this she came in for a coffee.  I told her about all my hard work. While she sat there drinking her coffee and eating chocolate cake she casually said ' well when you have finished sorting and organising the shelves it will look really good.  Love the colour of the wall.  Did you prepare the wall before you painted?

With a gulp of coffee I told her that the shelving unit was organised and completed!  She laughed her head off and said is that the best it's going to be??

As for 'preparing' the walls - what was that I asked I just slapped the paint on over everything.  She laughed again and told me all the arduous tasks you should go through before slapping paint on!!

So 'let's just say'  I am not good at DIY and I am not very good (apparently) at organising and sorting. See you learn something every day.

Chaos still reigns on the Funny Farm

My Birthday

Well today it's my Birthday.  Will there be balloons, flowing wine and celebrations?  Now that's a nice thought but the reality is 'I don't think so'!

Gone are the days when you wake up to presents copious amounts of cards and Birthday wishes.  I remember my work days in the UK when it was your responsibility to buy cakes for everyone in the firm when it was your Birthday.  They had to be cream cakes and very calorific.  You would get in to work and your desk would be covered in cards and presents and your working day would be lightened as a reward.

I remember the excitement of wondering what my dear Mum had bought me.  She knew me so well that I always got given something wonderful. She would cook me one of her magnificent meals, she was just a divine cook and her roast potatoes were like clouds, fluffy and light.

My Birthdays when I was married were grim.  I never got a present from my husband, I was lucky if he remembered.  I remember once he wrapped up a load of old jewellery and there was I thinking he had actually bothered.  On my 40th Birthday he thew all my presents and broke them in jealousy and hated me getting more cards than him, someone you had to feel sorry for and hope one day he will be happy with himself inside and out.

This year my Birthday will go like this, the toilet needs to be unblocked, the dogs need walking, the cats need feeding, the eggs need collecting, vet appointment, recycling needs doing, rubbish bags taken to the bins, washing and I need to get on with my latest portrait.

Am I happy, yes very, I had a kiss and hug from my two lovely children, my dog was happy to see to me today with waggy tail and a kiss, I am having a coffee with a friend later today, it isn't raining and the sun is trying to come out. The fact that I come out of my front door and smell fresh air and not car exhaust, I see green fields and trees, animals playing, cockerels crowing, geese hissing, tractors working, deer's jumping and playing around in the fields and life is alright.

So I'm sending out Birthday waves to everyone today, keep smiling and make the most of the little things in life xxx

 

In my Head

In my head I get up early, I whirl around doing de-cluttering, housework, washing, cleaning and various other domestic things.  In my head I make lists and I am very organised.  In my head I create wonderful new businesses and market my own business impeccably .  I make wonderful dinners and bake cakes with pretty flowers on the top, iron and fold up clothes placing them in flower perfumed draws.  I steam clean everything once a week.  I spend time everyday writing my book, painting and drawing.  Beds are straightened smart and flat.  This is my life in my head.

My reality is something slightly different.  I stagger out of bed after 3 alarms chime, scream and shout at me.  I rush to make breakfast for the children.  Porridge in the microwave with no glass turning table as this has broken, so I have to balance the dish on the plastic forks that turns.  If uneven the dish tips and you end up with porridge all over the place.  My second job is to unblock the toilet.  This has to be done everyday as we have the most inefficient toilet in France.  I have got the plunge time down to half a minute with a technique that forces everything down the minuscule hole into the foss.  Next job is letting dogs out, cats in, feeding cleaning cat toilets and doing the outside poo run, making sure the bucket doesn't touch you and you don't tread in anything. I find that managing to get socks that match is a once a month miracle.  Wearing a bra is a rare occurrence as anything more than a nipple and you have to buy maternity!  It is now 11.30am so no beds made, no washing on, no pretty cakes made, no ironing done (not that I can find my iron at the moment), no vacuuming done, dishwasher not cleared and re-filled and no steaming done.

You see these wonderful mothers who fit so much into their days, being domestic goddesses. Could it be that difficult to be a domestic goddess or are some of us just not made to be like that! I am not and never will be a domestic goddess, life is chaos and the animals take up most of my time.  I am lucky if I get one job done in a day and then I feel I have achieved something!

 

A Vision

Well today I popped into town to get a few bits. On the way home I was blessed with a vision of a man, in town, standing up doing a wee on someone's garage doors!  If it's not bad enough that on a daily basis you have to detour around a car abandoned in the middle of the road and the vision of the driver doing a wee in the fields or up a bush on the side of the road but to be forced to see someone's tackle in town is beyond the pale.

The once raging appetite, which was the reason for me buying the Emmental Salade sandwich, vanished in a blink of an eye, now left with this disturbing vision not sure cheese is on the menu!

I wonder if the offending male would wee up his own garage doors or would be happy if a stranger elected his garage doors to empty his bladder onto?

Oh the joys of rural life!

Today

So today I am on the road to recovery.  I have had some sort of flu like virus which put me in bed for two days and rendered me more useless than I already am.  So today I get up and feel slightly more normal.  Making the list of things to do that should have been done a few days ago, I swig down a vitamin, mineral drink to aid the energy that is lacking, eat my sugarless porridge and get ready to hit the day.

First job was to feed the cats.  There are several sections of cats, the outside ones the indoors ones and the cattery.  So in my slippers and dressing gown I step outside into the garage to feed the outside ones only to squidge my left bunny, fluffy with ears slipper straight into a lump of poo! Totally horrified I hobble outside to scrape my slipper on the grass only to step into a large wet goose poo with the other slipper just outside the garage door!!! Removing both slippers I tiptoe back inside holding bunny slippers at arms length.  Throwing them mistakenly in the dishwasher I then put on rubber outside shoes and go to clean up the mess!  I then realised I had put them into the wrong machine panicked, put it right and put dishwasher on for an intensive cycle.

Having felt a bit better today I have done many loads of washing.  This was not without hassle.  Hanging up the washing is an art as you have to hang it high enough so the outside cats don't squirt up it.  You have to keep an eye on the bag full of the washing because they have a habit of sidling up unannounced and do a quick squirt just so you don't notice and then run off. You also have to be careful not to fall down the holes in the grass.  This I did today went flat on my face, when standing up I noticed my hand was brown and knowing my luck it wasn't mud!!! Having a tentative sniff I was relieved to say it was.

All this aside I am happy to say  I am on the mend and the weather is lovely.  My little friendly goose is always happy to see me and wanting her lovely long neck stroked.   What a day now its the cooking a meal for the family.  Always fun here on the Funny Farm.

Just Wondering

I'm just wondering if its fair.  When you are married and your other half does something wrong and you divorce, you have to pay to divorce them even though they are the ones who have wronged you.

My divorce cost me over £12,000 all because my husband fought every step of the way wanted everything, even the roof over our children's head.  I had to take it all to court which cost even more.  He on the other hand was in prison so got everything free.  The state had to pay to have him taken out of prison to attend court which cost a fortune as he had to be in an heavy duty van, handcuffed to two guards. Me on the other hand was suffering from a head injury, traumatized children and a redundancy.

He spent his life living on the back of my career and didn't really contribute to much.  It seems so wrong that he then wanted the house the car the money and said he didn't care if his children were left on the street penniless!  I remember the judge in the court telling him that in his court my husband has no rights specially as he was sitting handcuffed to two big guards!  He also said that he would not have allowed the attack charge to be reduced so as to guarantee a charge, something that still upsets me as I had concussion for a week and didn't recover properly for over 2 years from the head injury.

I now have the same problem (will I ever learn you say!).  I have my house here, which was paid for totally by my family, but has the man, who conned us out of over a million euros, name on the deeds.  I remember him saying that he will not do all the building work if he doesn't have his name on the deeds as well.  He said how can I trust you not to shut me out when I've given up everything  for you!!! I have since found out that if I die he gets everything and my family can be thrown out and be homeless.  I now have to pay to take his name off and it is possible, specially in french law, that I will have to give him half the value of the property.  Bearing in mind he put nothing into the property has never paid one bill and was in debt, we found out after he disappeared, when we met him.  This I have been told will cost me a lot of money. something I do not have, plus it might not ever be able to be done.  French law is different and doesn't make a lot of sense. He told the police when he was arrested that he didn't want anything to do with the house but he knows if he just hangs on he is going to inherit it.

So I am asking why do we have to be the ones to pay for the right thing to happen.  I also want to know if I have finally learnt my lesson.  Although I have to say when my whole family were conned I was recovering from a head injury, a divorce and a redundancy.  I had taken several little jobs just to make ends meat but was very unwell, so to have a man come in like a angel doing everything, helping everyone and generally being wonderful you tent to let them take over.  It is not until you are left with nothing you find out he heard about your story and zoned in on you!

So I ask again is it fair that the wronged party has to do all the legal work and all the paying?  It seems a little unfair. Also if I haven't learnt my lesson now then there is no hope for me!  

Never a Dull Moment

So I'm on the last day of this job, a bunch of kenneled dogs.  While I waded through the copious amounts of dog wee and poo, which I might add had been spread thickly across the floor like nutella, I wonder to myself how did I end up doing this?

The room where the dogs live is cold even on a hot day and the smell is quite lively!  The smell of pungent dog poo lingers in your nostrils for many hours after leaving said barn.  Worrying in the fact that a physics teacher in my secondary school once told us that you smell things because little particles of the smell go up your nose and stick to your hairs, remember that the next time someone close to you has wind!!! Some facts are better left unknown.

Not sure if you remember but we now have 21 cats at home.  This is not by choice but just happened.  My local vet who is wonderful said that the worming tablets cost over 6 euros each and that she has got some treatments you use on farm animals that is the same but would cost less.  After working out the relevant dosage I went away with two bottles.  Well today we tried to worm all 21 cats!  We first had to weight the cats.  This proved very hard as some were tiny and didnt even move the scales.  We resorted to the kitchen scales and a plastic bowl.  Then my daughter had to stand on the other scales then hold the cat while I peered through squinting eyes to work out how many tiny red lines had increased.  After that I then had to prepare two pipettes of liquid.  My daughter then holding the cats feet and scruff I proceeded to squirt the liquid into their mouths.  It turns out that one of the treatments is ok the other is foul and all cats foamed at the mouth went crazy and thew up!  This took a few hours to complete and was traumatic for all concerned.  I'm thinking maybe it would be better to save up and buy the tablets instead.

Other news on the funny farm, our dog Alfie stole my daughter's salmon puff and managed to eat it before she got to him.  We have a glut of goose and duck eggs.  Oh and my son thought he would light to fire that belongs to the central heating.  This has not been used for few years as the pipes are all split.  I get a phone call saying we have had a massive leak.  Not sure why or what reason he decided to do this but we now have brown water marks all over the walls, the hall carpet has had to hung high up on a pole to dry off without cats squirting on it.  The phone now crackles when used and the platerboard is looking a little wobbly!

Never a dull moment on the Funny Farm

Dobby

I have just found out today that Dobby has died suddenly.  He was healthy and not suffering but took a turn for the worse and passed away.  He was a very large black dog and was my first housesit.

I didn't even meet his owners as it was an emergency last minute housesit as their pre-arranged housesitter had let them down.  I had had a call from a friend asking if I was available for a last minute job I said yes.  I promptly threw a few things in a case set the GPS and off I drove for a 2 hour hike into the unknown.

All I had was a few emails from the lady telling me various details about her 2 dogs 2 cats, her birds, goats and any other thing that might cause me a problem.  With my music blaring and a bag of nuts open in the door pocket for munching, a drink balanced between my legs I set off in my rusty, rickety, water leaking old Renault Espace.  After 2 hours and many top ups of water I finally heard my GSP say 'You have reached your destination'.  Middle of nowhere and not sure if I was at the right place I got out, stretched my legs and began to open the large gates.  All of a sudden I was greeted by two dogs, one very large black one and one smaller brown one.  The black one, Dobby, charged at me did a great big leap and knocked me flying backwards where he preceded to lick my face. Unable to get up and have a large heavy dog on top of me was something the email had not warned me about!

I managed to slide out from under Dobby and make my way into the house while being followed closely by them both.  When inside I got settled, re-read all the emails to make sure I was doing everything needed.  Dobby never left my side following me about and making lots of noises.

During the week he helped me hand feed the poorly pussy cat, woke me up in the morning, helped me with the goats and chickens.  Sat with me at night when I watched the television and I fell in love with him.

My stay was one laugh after another including the parrot shouting 'HELLO' and me thinking someone was at the door at 11pm at night, the bouncing Tally who danced for his dinner, the poorly cat who sat on my shoulder all week and the large goat who knocked me into the ground every time I went to feed them!

The owner is a lovely friend now and at this very sad time I'm sending her lots of love and hugs and thank her also for a great start to my new business and a story never to forget.

This is Dobby who always laid on the kitchen floor while I was cooking, you had to be careful not the trip over him! Below is Tally who dances for his dinner!

 RIP Darling Dobby

Tally

Fancy Pants

I am in the process of clearing out loads of items, creating piles of don't wear, don't like and doesn't fit on the moldy floor in my bedroom.  I have since found a pile of fancy pants for possible crucial moments.

 A few years ago I was persuaded that you definitely need nice underwear when on a date, ones that match, don't have visible holes or fraying elastic.  So out I went and bought many pairs of knickers with frills, bows, buttons, hanging jewels, saucy little peep holes and sturdy elastic.

These pants have traveled to many different destinations but never once have their frills, bows or hanging jewels adorned my nether regions. Not saying I haven't had crucial moments but they seem to have happened while wearing one particular pair, which I have to say, bear nothing in comparison with these fancy frillies.  They are plain and although have decent elastic they are no way classed as crucial moment pants.

I took the liberty of purchasing the matching bras to all these lovely pants so I could boast that my knockers matched my knickers but not having a proper measurement of the bust region I find I either cant do them up, stabbing bones syndrome,  bulging boobs, drop out the bottom boobs
or worse still undo when least expected.

The bras are lovely and hopefully I can find a new home for them.  As for crucial moment pants I think they have to hit the road as I do not expect or am not looking for any crucial moments in the near future but will keep my lucky knickers just in case.

Post Traumatic Stress

If you have never experienced anyone with post traumatic stress then you just have no idea how terrible it is.  The person you once knew is no longer there and there is nothing you can do to change it. The person you once knew as a loving, kind, happy helpful person was now a miserable, angry, aggressive, sulky person who hates life, sees no purpose in living and the slightest little thing can send them off into a fit of rage that would frighten even the most hardened souls.

Outsiders do not see the 'other side' to people going through this syndrome and unless you know the person well you may not pick up on the signs.  On the other hand people living closely to a sufferer will notice that they start to lose interest in everything around them.  They do not want to get up in the morning or go to bed at night but are too tired to do even little jobs.  They hate themselves think they are inadequate and useless and they are difficult to talk to.

If their syndrome has been brought on by a traumatic episode then they my well suffer from nightmares.  They will actually feel they are going through the stressful traumatic drama that happened possibly years ago.  Waking in a sweat and feeling stressed and ill.  They often also feel that they didn't do enough when they went through this trauma so will stress about that too.

If not address by a Doctor these symptoms will increase and will start affecting the whole body and its functions.  This will then increase the stress the person is feeling and increase the feeling of being inferior, useless and what is the point of living.  Often someone going through this will get their sleep patterns round the wrong way and will sleep in the day and be awake at night.  A feeling of nervousness, like butterflies in the stomach, will be constantly there and headaches come on suddenly.

The rages are quite dangerous and it takes a lot of strength and straight talking to stop someone from doing something stupid.  They lash out and lose all sense of reality and consequence.  If you are faced with this then your strength, perseverance and your knowledge that the person isn't seeing you as you is essential.

It is a kind of depression with a twist and very sad to see.  It is treatable but you need to be able to get them to go to the Doctors. They do come through it with medical help, support and understanding  from their loved ones and time.  I find it so sad seeing so many take their own lives when this is preventable.  This is a real disorder and not one that you can 'just pull yourself together' and everything will be ok.  It needs intervention, anyone who has been through a traumatic situation should be monitored.  It can take years to come out and the changes are small at the beginning. So if you are living with someone who has been through something then be aware for any slight change never dismiss it and never be afraid to seek help.

The highs and lows of 2013

Well 2014 has started quite well.  A vast improvement from January last year.  Looking back over 2013 I can honestly say au revoir with great gusto.  Just a few memorable scenarios of last year were, no work in January and managing to survive on 16 euros, 60 kilo Rottweiler launching through patio door window, slipping on wet stones while walking Rottweiler and damaging my shoulder (never to be the same again), falling flat on my face again while carrying a gander, lost my Auntie, the trial and failure of keeping peahens, the husky with ticks, rats, mice and all things nice.

That said we managed to rehome a few cats, build a cattery, have the busiest August in history, put up a fence, hatch some chickens and sell a few things.

One thing I learnt was not to wear crocks as these have been the reason for me finding myself sprawled across the floor in impossible positions.  Shame because I love this easy slip on cheap footwear.  They seemed like the answer to all things muddy but when wet they just flip you like a pancake with little regard for age or place. The first fall was when I was walking a big Rottweiler, he was not impressed that I suddenly landed, almost on top of him, in the middle of a muddy field.  The second time they flipped my over again in a muddy field while carrying a large angry gander who didn't take kindly to being tossed in the air while I went head first into the mud.  I have had many other minor slips where I've just managed to right myself and being left with only a twisted ankle.  So 2014 is the year of the walking shoe.  I have purchased a pair of sturdy lace up walking shoes with non slip soles in a bright turquoise! So far they have been brilliant with not a twisted ankle or pancake flip in sight.

We also found out that our glass is of a very thin quality.  First my son put his hip through the front door glass then the Rottweiler put his face through the patio doors.  We spent many months with cardboard duct taped to the doors until we sorted out someone to replace them.  My father wanted to mend his door himself so spent months attaching bits of wood in a slatted style with white filler in between.  Making up a little ledges and various other strange things.  He finally finished and painted it bright blue to not match anything! We then found a lovely man who fitted some double glazed doors in place of the patio doors.  A wonderful job and sets of the blue door a treat!!

The next fun scenario was the Penhens.  A lovely friend gave us some peahens and peacocks, we duly kept them in for the allotted time.  After taking advice from various people we let the peacock out and he flew into the tree in front of our house.  We then popped up to the village and when we came back he had gone.  We later found out he had set up camp in a garden a few fields away.  We then let the penhens out into the garden.  They stayed a little longer than the peacock but soon they were sighted trotting off across the fields into the sunset.  The last peacock was let out and it didn't even try the front garden just flew straight onto the roof of the house and then took off across the fields never to be seen again! So that was our brief encounter with these beautiful birds, the positive in all this is we have introduced them into the village!

The high points happened at the end of 2013.  My son passed his driving test and got a Maths GCSC and both my son and daughter got given a dream job.  I have decided that 2014 is about lists, organising and motivation.  Hearing all these things you need to do to keep healthy I am trying to introduce some of them into my daily routines.  I am also toying with the idea of having a recycling day to avoid the trauma of having to cram 100 bags and boxes into the car to take up to the village.  This is a job a hate, despise and put off, so by making a specific day of the week would mean a smaller quantity and less of a drama.  Anyway we shall have to see how that one goes.

The loss of my Auntie was sad, she was 93 and had been, shall we say, not really in the world for a few years.  She was a feisty, full of fun lady and she leaves me with many great memories.  She didn't suffer fools and always spoke her mind.  She did what she wanted to do with no thought for anyone else.  She lead a full life doing everything and at 93 she had had plenty of year to do it in.  The last of my fathers sisters which leaves him on his own.

So this year I am going to take a leaf out of my Auntie's book and try to change a habit of a lifetime.  Im working on rubbing out the 'I'm weak and care too much' written on my forehead! I'm also going to wear lipstick and a bra everyday and walking shoes not crocks.  Im going to eat porridge every morning, walk for 30 minutes a day, say no more often, finish my book and decorate the house.  Apart from that it will be the usual fun on funny farm.