I wont say I love you

I won't say I love you when we kiss real gentle
I know this sounds mad and a little bit mental
I won't say I love you when our tongues meet inside
When we explore each other and our juices collide
I won't say I love you when my knees start to quiver
When your fingers touch makes me gasp and shiver 
I won't say I love you when I hear your heart beat
When we come real close and our bodies meet
I won't say I love you when we meet with our eyes
Or even with all our hellos and goodbyes
I won't say I love you before we begin
As saying it out loud would just be a sin
Ill never say I love you through bad times and good
But my love will shine through like real love should 

All things Rural

Well here we are Monday again.  Today I had a lie in while sitting in bed reading my book and sipping coffee I suddenly heard the sound on tyres on gravel.  To my horror someone had driven into the courtyard.  I jumped out of bed and with one swift moment I rushed into the bathroom in a vein attempt to make out I was showering! There was this lovely lady standing there I made my apologies for being still in my pjs at 11 in the morning.  Although I had done a lot of things but had gone back to bed! After she left I thought I would be all industrious and split some wood ready for the evening.  Well this proved more difficult than originally thought.  Picking up the axe which was so heavy I nearly fell over backward when swinging it over my head.  Looking around to make sure no one was watching I swung it with all the strength I could muster and missed totally.  Tried again and splintered a tiny wedge off the end.  I tried for at least 10 minutes with little or no success.  The last strike went into the log and that was it wedged solid and I was unable to remove it so that was the end of my physical activity for the day,. Looks like no fire tonight!! i then had a look twitter only to read something written by a very beautiful model that long legs+short torso=short skirts for her!! Made me wonder what my style is sort legs+short torso= bin bag for me then !!! Anyway I shall leave you today with one of my poems!!!!
Will you still love me when I'm old and grey 
When my knees don't bend and I'm not a good lay
Will you still love me when my breats are all droopy
My feet turn in and my backs all stoopy
Will you still love me when I forget all that's said
And sleep is all we do when we go to bed
Will you still love me when I can't hear a thing 
I can't cheer you up unscrew a top or sing 
Will you still want me when I'm old and frail 
Or will I find me on ebay up for sale
Will you still hug me and hold me real tight
Or will I be locked in a room out of sight
Will you still love me when I'm old and grey 
Will you still love me forever and a day 

Hair & Hot Weather

Well today was a wonderfully hot day and I was visited by a photographer for a UK newspaper.  Well he was quick to tell me he hates cats and thinks they should all be shot while being surrounded by my 14 cats LOL  Then he says he doesnt really like dogs either while my rather large dog proceeded to bound around him panting and licking.  He then said he wanted to photograph us around the big tree trunks lying on the floor round the back of the farm.  After clambering up and over in high heels and glam clothing Holly and I arrived in the middle of two trunks standing in mud and muck.  Being told to lean on the trunk and putting the dog in the middle we were asked to focus on him while he took a bucket load of pictures.  All the time telling me I needed a hair cut as the wind whipped my mop around gracefully covering my face and Holly's too. Like my hair, our dog Alfie wasn't playing his part either and wouldnt look at the camera and the chosen cat for the pictures was not happy about being held and  buried in amongst my hair and having the dogs tongue drawling on her.  We finally moved to inside where I though my hair would not be a problem,  but was asked to change my clothes so it didnt look like the pictures were taken all on the same day.  Having spent many hours picking out an outfit that didnt enhance belly and bum this was quite distressing!! I was given a few moments to rip off my clothes and pick out another suitable hopefully slimming outfit!!  Having done and presented myself in the kitchen only to be told by my daughter that my top was see through and the belly was quite visible and so was the flowery bra, at this point I thought oh what the hell lets just roll with it and hope they dont chose these ones!  Then being told to pretend to pour water into cups that Holly and my dad were holding, in my infinite wisdom I chose the kettle that sits on the wood burner, being of an attractive style and preceded to hold it over a mug and pretend to talk.  What I didnt realise was that he was going to say hold it there and hold it and hold it and hold and being make of cast iron I was literally shaking at having to hold such an immense weight!!!!! We then had to go out again and he had me twisted like a pretzal over a wooden chair which was most uncomfortable while gripping my hair with the back of my neck, trying not to let my double chin drop and smiling like the world was wonderful, while looking into this animal hating mans eyes, it was a quite miserable LOL That said I came back to my housesit and was resting with a cup of coffee and a good book with my hair tied up like a pineapple no bra and slippers when a little french man , no teeth and breasts bigger than mine turned up.  Asking if the caravan was for sale I politely gave him a telephone number to try and as he was leaving he turned round and said in french you have lovely hair its magnificent its beautiful its really lovely and putting his thumbs up and smiling with gums showing he stood there waiting for me to do something spectacular all I could do was say ok and thumbs up hahahahaha well all I can say is Im glad that its illegal in France for men to take their tops off otherwise summer would be all teeth & tits - grateful for small mercies!!!

Bunging your holes up

My dear old mum was a funny loving person, talking to everyone and just  made life brilliant.  We lived in a little village and close to a set of local shops.  When we were little she regularly visited the local shops for odd bits of shopping.  One day she met this man in one of the shops, while buying ground coffee, that proceeded to have a discussion with her about how not to get your holes bunged up on the coffee percolator.  He told her that she had to have the percolator on number 5.  He was a posh man with a big black beard and gave her strict instructions what to do.  She thanked him and said she would try that and let him know.  On her next visit to the shops she saw this man across the road and ran after him tapped him on the shoulder and said you were right number 5 didn't bung my holes up. The bearded man looked at her and said, in a Scottish accent, I beg your pardon. He was the wrong man and he had no sense of humor either! She bumbled along trying to explain to him what had happened without a glimmer or a smile from him.  In the end she said to him oh well you probably don't have any holes to bung so you wouldn't understand and promptly walked off!

Ex Husband

Well if I had to describe my ex husband I think the best description would be Forrest Gump with a touch of Damian.  Stupid is as stupid does with a 666 on the back of his head !!! I hope he is still running.  I ran him over once quite by accident but knowing what he is like now wishes sometimes Id made a better job of it.  He was running towards the car at full speed and I decided to drive towards him and meet him half way.  He didn't realise and hit the front of the car rolled over the top and landed on the floor at the back of the car.  I have to say I sat there for a minute or two totally paralyzed as I thought I had killed him.  He didn't get up straight away and when he did he brushed himself off came round to the passenger door and said 'What the F**k did you do that for'!!!!! Well I couldn't really say why I just did but he had no bruises or bumps just a hurt pride and the knowledge now that he could roll quite nicely and land gracefully enough not to break anything. One of many funny experiences I had with the man who thought life was like a box of chocolates until someone annoyed him then it was armageddon and he was going to instigate it!!

Ist Boyfriend

I remember my first proper boyfriend he came from a lovely family, went to a very good school, and rode a motorbike. He had one of those skin conditions and I, in my infinite wisdom, thought I could cure it!!! Now the skin condition was on his head.  So one day I washed his hair and coated his head with vaseline LOL.  Well as you can imagine vaseline doesnt wash out its waterproof!!! So his lovely long hair (it was the 70s) was matted together with petroleum jelly.  His mum was furious with me and spend the next 5 days washing his hair for him several times a day.  I was banned from seeing him for two weeks and not allowed to wash his hair again hahahahaha.

Men today

All I hear from the young men today is - My women have to be like this and my women have to be like that - I constantly worry for the young women who might at the moment have breasts that rise beautifully pert and firm and their buttocks are full with enough muscle to twerk but what happens when these perfectly formed girls start to grow old.  What will these men who are wanting perfection do.  Will they be happy with breasts like stockings filled with sand and buttocks like two bread sticks filled with turkey breast.  When their perfect ladies start sprouting whiskers and they snore and the external perfection fades like a sunset in spring.  I wonder if they ever think or even bother to find out what the girls are like inside what they think or feel.  Sometimes I think that relationships fail because they dont get to know each other for what they are these days its all on how I want my woman to look on my arm! Well Ive got news for them youre gonna be lonely when you get old hahahaha

The Tea Cup

I was driving back to my housesit and I remembered, with a smile, back to when I first started work.  A young thin 16 year old who was full of life and energy, just embarking on life.  I started work in a very old fashioned printing factory where I was a receptionist/clerk.  This was the best think in the world I loved it so much I spoke to all the clients and made the tea and filed and did general office work.  Being an old fashioned business owned by two old brothers we had china tea cups and saucers.  One day, while making the tea, I broke a handle off one of the posh cups.  In a panic I decided to glue it back on.  Not being very handy I didnt realise it should be super glue so just used this glue I found in a draw.  Forgetting I had glued it I made the tea and distributed it around the bosses and managers and general office workers.  The last one was the big boss as I gave him his tea he started to ask me questions being all friendly and caring.  As I began to answer he picked up the cup and proceeded to draw it to his lips.  As I spoke answering his questions I watched in horror as the glue of the handle melted with the heat of the tea and the cup slowly slipped away from him and the tea gracefully fell into his lap.  As I dashed about in a sorry panic and vigorously rubbing the wet patch I realised it I was rubbing his privates!! Totally red and embarrassed I ran away to the toilets praying I had not just lost my job!!!!